You have a cousin!

Nov. 2, Max Parker was born...perhaps in the same hospital as you were. He is your gorgeous cousin who will likely live within 30 minutes of you for the next 18 years. How lucky you are.

He has a whole family who is dropping everything to go and meet him. We are coming from Chicago and Cleveland to see this little guy, while you sleep 20 minutes across the island in your crib.

We won't see you, but I want you to know that we want to. We've wanted to. We dream of it, in fact, and know that eventually we will. I'm writing because I want you to know that Max loves you. I love you. Jason loves you. Your grandparents love you. We all want you in our lives and can't wait until you are.

Goodnight Haley

I'm not writing this to hurt you - I'm writing to say I'm hurt.

This week I forgot that you existed. Typically, I think of you and your mother often and pray that you're both healthy and well. This week I completely forgot - you didn't cross my mind once. I feel shocked that this could even happen. I forgot that I even had a sister. I walked around completely sure that my only sibling was Uncle Michael. So weird. For five years I've missed your mom and then, wham, overnight I stopped remembering, caring.

Of course I do care, or else I wouldn't be writing.

I'm not sure the lesson on this one.

Anyway, I forgot that I had a sister and, as a result, failed to remember you. I'm so sorry.

It's not because I don't care. I don't think, at least...I'm not sure of much when it comes to you and your mom. Just when I think I am, I'm totally wrong.

I am sure you're missing out on lots of family, though. Positive: Memories. Gifts. Love.

Not to mention, the best aunt you may never know.

Ask your mom, she'll tell you. She's gotta miss me, too.

People tell me it's her loss - I tell them they're wrong. It's ours.

I am on the couch while Uncle Jason sleeps in bed. I just couldn't fall asleep. Honestly, it has nothing to do with you.

It will all be great. Most of it already is.

Goodnight, Haley.

Have Faith in your Dreams

Dear Haley,

I held you in my arms the other night, in my dream that is. I awoke so positive that one day, despite how old you are, I will get to hold you outside of my dreams. Part of me doesn't believe it, the other part is certain.

I go back and forth.

And back and forth.

But then I realized that without faith, it will never happen. I may be grieving, but I still am believing. I recall a childhood song with an inspired message, which motivated me to log online and share the lyrics/lesson with you while I remind myself just how important it is to have faith. I got a big dose while writing this.

"A dream is a wish your heart makes

When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjIssqHQJ6o

I can’t wait to meet you, I love you more than you’ll ever know,

Aunt Stacy

.PS - Uncle Jason can't wait either.

Forgive Yourself

Dear Haley,

If you love yourself, you'll challenge yourself. You'll dream for yourself, set expectations and even hope to exceed them. This is all well and good, so long as you can accept defeat, even failure - you must always know how to forgive yourself.

I often believe that I have this one down, but then, when I least expect it, I find myself at war with myself when an internal conflict is the very last thing that I need. In fact, when attempting to overcome obstacles, there is no greater obstacle than the one that you will create for yourself. Why? Because the only one who can make anything happen is you. You, Haley, are in charge of your incredible destiny. Believe it - it's yours to create.

I have a vision, but I continually fall short. I was angry at myself. Truly mad. But Haley, to be angry at myself is to put all odds against me. To forgive for imperfections is to knock that barrier down while paving a path to success for myself. To fail at forgiveness is true failure. One who does not know how to forgive is one who never moves forward.

It's great to dream. Sometimes with failure comes growth, too.

But only if you know how to forgive yourself. Tonight I'm reminded to do so in order to achieve happiness once again. I want to try again. I have to believe in myself again.

Haley, today's lesson is this: Forgive yourself always, arms yourself with lessons from mistakes you make and seize each failure as moment of opportunity.

I can’t wait to meet you, I love you more than you’ll ever know, my little angel,

Aunt Stacy

Always Respect Your Mom

Dear Haley,

Lesson Number Two, yet you're not even a week old today.

Always respect your Mom. While she's not always going to be right, she will always have the right intentions. That is, if she's anything like HER mother. I believe she absolutely is, which makes you very lucky. Soak it up - nobody will love you more.

Make sure you listen to your mother. Not just what she tells you or asks of you, but what she demonstrates, shows you and fails to. See her for her mistakes, take note of her stumbles and watch her as she overcomes them through strength. Realize what she's missing, what she values and just how much she loves you. If nothing else, I am positive of her love for you.

I learned about love from my mom. I learned its challenges, pains, beauty and impact. Yes, all this from my mother. One woman who devoted her life to building the greatest foundation she knew how for your mom, Uncle Michael and me. Not always an easy life to lead, but always a labor of love. This is not to say that I did not learn these things from my father, but I will say there is something profound and unique between a mother and her daughter. (Uncle Jason acknowledges this truth so deeply that he wishes he would be the one to carry your future cousin.)

When your friends want you to play, chances are it is because they want to play the game that they are presenting to you. If your mom insists that you play this game, it's just because she wants you to learn compromise.

When your babysitter wants you to go to sleep, chances are it's because the clock has struck a certain hour and that's just what is supposed to happen. Your mom is the one who is making you go to bed, not the sitter. Rest easy, she just wants you to be healthy and well-rested for tomorrow.

One day you'll have a boyfriend. Hopefully you'll have many boyfriends. Your mom may make it difficult to be with them as much as you'd like to. It's only because she wants you to protect you from heartbreak. She only wants the world for you.

Nobody will consider YOU, Haley, more than your mother. Sometimes right, often wrong, but always with pure love as her motivator. She will pray for the best, work for the best and dream of the best for your future.

And yes, sometimes her own "stuff" will knock her off course. But always, yes always, her heart will be with you.

More than you will ever know. Happy 1st Mother's Day.

I can’t wait to meet you, I love you more than you’ll ever know, my little angel,

Aunt Stacy

Welcome to the World!!

May 5, 2010

Dear Haley,

Welcome to the world. My first niece, my favorite niece. You are stunning, just like your mom.

You are so lucky, my little ball of sunshine, and you don’t even know it (you’re too young to know just yet). One day soon, you’ll realize just how many people adore you. I can’t even count on your little fingers or toes how many of us would line up to be there for you. All day I’ve been calling you My Little Angel. I’m not sure why, but it feels right.

I’m lucky,too. You transformed Jason and me into Uncle Jason and Aunt Stacy for the first time. It looks funny to even type out. I’m Aunt Stacy. Weird, but in a wonderfully exciting way. Life goes by so quickly…wasn’t I just YOUR AGE?? Advice for day 1: Smile. People are going to take a ton of photos of your cute little body and gorgeous face, just let them. You’ll miss it when the camera stops. Also, when you’re sleeping at night, dream about all the love that stretches from the Midwest. It’s there, you’ll feel it if you let yourself.

I can’t wait to meet you, I love you more than you’ll ever know, my little angel,

Aunt Stacy